This is for John. I carry with me disappointing news for you. Joey previously asked for the word Rosaria Mastandrea used to when referring to her underwear. This was a trick question!

mutande---is in fact, the proper Italian word for underwear and I applaud you for this knowledge. However, you should have recognized that Mastandreas do not speak in either proper English or proper Italian (in fact I'm pretty sure Barese dialect is closer to Mandarin Chinese than Italian).

Rosaria Mastandrea actually called her undergarments "oo'bloom". Therefore, the Council has voted unanimously that your answer was incorrect. I am sorry. In good news, the Council was wildly impressed with your in-depth research on shtinkinstash, a word that has intimidated so many for so long, that a report on its origins had never even been attempted.

OK, we return to improper Italian. We must forgive John, for after 12 years of studying the language and scoring 100% proficiency in conversational Italian, I remain helpless in commmunicating with, or even understanding our relatives. So I offer to newcomers a little help in comparing and contrasting.

English: How are you?
Italian: "Come stai?"
Barese: "Come shem?"

English: Uncle
Italian: Lo Zio
Barese: Tsitse(almost like the African fly)

English: Aunt
Italian: La Zia
Barese: Lodzy

English: five dollars
Italian: cinque dollari
Barese: chinga petz

English: the bathroom
Italian: il bagno or cabine d'acqua
Barese: u baccaus'

And this is just the beginning, but it got me thinking about some of the mystical aspects of the Mastandrea culture. We mentioned some of the shamanistic remedies for child constipation and chest colds, but what about the hallucinogenic properties of Uncle Lenny's special chunky wine. I witnessed John, Uncle Andy, Uncle Joe, Vito Caravella and Big Vin drink and then lie to each other.. I was confused at first to hear my father talk about the time he designed an automobile for Ford (I was a little hurt he had never mentioned it), but once Vito Caravella asked him if that was the same car they drove from NY to Finland, I knew something strange was afoot. Anyway, I'm curious if John rememebers this experience, and if he told any tall tales that night. Arrivederci, all.