Almost forgot to mention: on Friday, in the run-up to the Spumoni Invasion, I finally got back to the emissions-testing work-fare site to have my new gas-cap tested for environmental hazard. The verdict: the gas-cap is kosher. The state employee printed out a receipt for me certifying that I had finally wasted enough time and fuel and was now authorized to log onto the state motor vehicle site and spend another 93 dollars and change for the honor of renewing my jalopy for another two years.

Fuckers.

Well anyway, at least I got that out of the way. That freed me up for the rest of Friday to shop for the rest of the food we'd need and get the ribs in the oven so they could slow cook until the time of Mastandrea Arrival -- which actually occurred slightly ahead of the flight's scheduled arrival time. Sweet! We got back to Berea-Rose and feasted. See for yourself.

And here's an even better one:

Lots of great photos this weekend. But this one of Cookie and me I really like.

We wore suits today.

Cookie's first Communion was beautiful, and the festivities made all the merrier with Spumoni Squad being in town. We ate a lot of food. And we're having a lot of laughs.

The weather has been warm and enjoyable -- though it's going into the 40s tonight. That's gonna feel harsh on sun-loving Florida skin!

I heard from Steve yesterday because he's been obsessing on the utterings of homeless guy we encountered at the Met Museum of Art some 15-or-so years ago. I told him about the dream I had the other night. I was stacking the hamburger rolls and singing that old Billy Idol song: "With a Schwebel yell... MORE MORE MORE!"

Steve was amused. Which is more than I can say about Alane, who seems to think it's bad enough that I have to defile music lyrics while I'm awake.

Yes, the toilet seats... I think I can vaguely recall...

Ahhh so Tokyo was a very interesting place. Twice as busy and congested as manhattan and twice as clean. I never saw anyone cleaning the streets but here was never even a cigarette on the floor. I did get a very canal street type feeling from the overall ambient scent.
Chech this shot. This was a tight walk.---------------->
As we walked down the alley we saw smallish bodega type establishments that were maybe 10' x 6' and were nothing more than people sitting at a counter as someone cooked on that very same counter. What they were cooking? Well????? You tell me.



Well i promised to post some interesting things i saw in Japan. First ---The department stores are enormous, often 10 - 12 floors of merchandise. High end stuff too not knockoff anything. They get insulted if you ask "were these made in china?" .All sales people are dressed like they are on the runway.So we get to matsumaya dept store 5 minutes before it opened. The employees were all standing still as a gong went off twice. All of the employees than turned to the customers waiting and bow. They then open the door and all line the entry path bowed. Really cool. AND.... In the basement of each dept store is a Stew Leonard type gourmet food marketplace selling everything from shellfish to doughnuts. I actually ate one. The funniest thing was the fruit and vegetable stand guys, they would sing and holler about there freshest stuff. it was insane. It was such a different culture.

So i did have an automatic toilet in my hotel. Heated seat- deoderizer--front and back washer. This was an awesome anenity and what stunned me was the toilets i found in public areas. they were quite different.They actuall had instructions in english on the wall. How one does not shit in thier own pants is beyond my understanding. ENJOY.

I too just landed from a land of scale-encrusted food. Well, New York, at least. Had a fancy dinner there last night, then hopped a plane today to get home in time for Mojo's birthday. Both chimps are seven years old today. It will stay that way until Monday when the older chimp turns eight.

My plane landed in time for me to high-tail it over to their first baseball practice. being that I'm the team's coach, it was probably a good thing that I made it in time (there's a co-coach, so the practice would've been covered). We threw the ball around, the kids ran the bases, and once we were done we drove over to the Dairy Queen. Cookie and Mojo got sundaes and I got the Hairy Queen Disgust-o burger. I'd have eaten anything that Bazzukajoe had pushed aside, but this burger was blowjhinski.

After we ate we walked over to the adjacent driving range and hit a bucket of balls. You should've seen the boys hacking away.

Hey Joey, did the smells remind you of Canal Street, when we used to walk those back alleys to skip the fiasco of the feast?

Arty Farty? Seymore Hair? Betty is in my head all the time. I am fascinated she is so far reaching.

John after the food i have had this past week, i will have bangers and mash with you anytime.

I cannot sleep as i am still time zone confused and so i blog. I did indeed return from a trip to the land of the rising sun. It was truly amazing. My flight there connected in chicago and with an 11 hour flight to tokyo. That was a long day since they are 14 hours ahead of the U.S. I got there the next day. Coming home was not as pleasant even though i landed only 2 hours after i left. We stayed in a 4 star hotel for 6 days and had a tour guide and bus take us to every site an american tourist would be interested in. breafast lunch dinner and kimonos were all provided. I did not eat much. I was a bit more adventurous than i normally would be and i tried to be accommodating as i am aware they are an archipelago and so the staple food would be fish. WOW, i was not prepared for the array of foods or the scent. Sometimes it felt like it probably still had a hook in it. The first day we were taken to a trendy tempura place in SHINJUKU-KU. I thought how could you go wrong with tempura, deep fried anything is usually pretty good. I was mistaken. My tempura still had scaly tails sticking out of the end. There was no way i was taking a chance on what was hiding beneath. The second course was sushi.......... Several pieces still had scales on them and no matter how familiar something appeared it was not what it appeared to be. I did have few good things, not alll the food was bad but i did go to bed hungry most nights. Every time i was brought something i thought, Jenia would eat this stuff. We did have some kobe teriyaki steak one night that was amazing. And the toilets rae another story entirely. My hotel did have Johnny's favorite toilets, the automatic one with the remote control.well i need to unpack and get out the camera cord to show you. more to follow nite for now.

I hope people don't mind if I serve this when everyone comes over. And I'll talk with a Brit accent.

We got hooked up with some really great seats for today's Indians-Athletics games at Jacob's Field -- which they now call Progresso Field. But no soup. And today, with temperatures in the 30s, we could've used a nice bowl of hot soup. Gametime was pushed out for about an hour due to wet weather, and we were only a couple of innings into the game when the snow started.

But we'd dressed warmly, getting Da Chimpz into full snow-suit gear. Which still wasn't enough. By the fourth inning Mojo told us his feet were frozen and I couldn't very well argue with him since mine were too. We headed home shortly thereafter and got the meatballs rolling. Then I was off to the Cub Scout Committee meeting at the bar in town (convenient!). Now everyone's asleep and I'm next.

We eagerly await tales from Far East. That Bazzukajoe, he's Big in Japan.

This spring, I will be coaching the boys' baseball team. Alane, on the other hand, ,ay choose to coach an entirely different sport.

Drove back to NAPA this morning and spent $9.04 of my hard-earned lucre to get myself a new gas-cap.

I like the old one better.

Be that as it may, I will obey the government diktat and rip the original gas-cap off its tether and replace it with the flimsy piece of crap I just purchased. I'll probably wind up losing the damned thing too -- I don't see any way to attach the new one to the old plastic tether. So it's only a matter of time before I inadvertently leave it at the gas station and have to buy yet another one.

Maybe that's the state's plan: to generate sales tax revenue. You know: the sales tax they just raised to pay for a convention center. You know: the convention center that no one would voluntarily invest in. You know: private investment, which pretty much doesn't happen anymore in Ohio.

You think in the future they'll have mandatory home inspections to make sure you've replaced all your incandescent and halogen light bulbs with those ugly-ass CFCs? Maybe. But by then we'll probably be lighting our homes with torches and roasting our meats on the tines of giant pitchforks (so common will those implements be).

In what promises to be a never-ending saga, I took a drive this evening to the NAPA store on the other side of the tracks (literally, on the other side of a major rail crossing). I don't need to remind anyone on this blog that the only Napa I'd care to be seeing at 7:30 in the evening is a nice cabernet sauvignon. But no, Ohio says I need to buy myself a new gas-cap, so off to NAPA auto parts I go.

Of course it had already closed. NAPA-headed ho's.

So I headed back. Oops, a mile-long freight train had to pass first. I sat at the railroad gates and watched the empty freight cars rattle by, thinking how ironic it is that fate would have me sit there with my engine idling for that long just in the interest of passing an emissions test.

I turned east on Bagel-ee Road and headed for the K-Marts. No gas-caps there (though I did get myself a tube of JB Weld -- used that stufff once to hold my transmission together after bashing the pan on a rock!). Got back in the car and considered driving over to the Wal-Marts, but quickly decided I'd had quite enough fruitless searching for one day.

I'll waste more gasoline tomorrow.

After dropping Da Chimpz at school just now I decided to drive once again to the work-fare site where they test vehicle emissions -- I still need to do that so I can renew my registration. I wasn't sure if they'd be open before 9, but lo and behold they were.

I rolled down the window (fuckers) and let them hook up the car. As expected, my exhaust was within limits. Lots of inconvenience just to find that out.

Then they hooked something onto the gas-cap and wandered around for a few minutes looking befuddled. Then they printed out a receipt saying my car failed.

"It's an easy fix," the state-employee explained. "Just buy a new gas cap."

"You know," I replied, "if there was really something wrong with that gas cap the engine-light would be on."

He responded with his standard "I'm only following orders" nonsense and sent me on my way to waste even more fuel as I drive around town to purchase a gas cap and then drive back to the drive-thru house of emissions-pain. As if I have nothing better to do. Asshats.

Hey, emissions-test dude: your Ohio pension is unfunded. Ha!

Steve's musings are as cryptic as they are amusing. Filming a sitcom pilot in his spare time, is he? Crying in his taco? Tommy, do not take advice from this man.

Here at Berea-Rose we fired up the grill this evening for the first time in '08. Just burgers, nothing fancy. Alane was busy ripping up vegetation from the back garden and Da Chimpz were positioning their little plastic soldiers in the grass (where the stragglers will face Death From Above the next time the mower-blades pass overhead... cue the music).

Hey Steve, did this guy get his grill from Blackouts?

After weeks of repeatedly seeing my name besmirched by Johnny-Cat for not blogging, today I make my triumpant return to the Macaroni Dish. Indeed, yesterday I assisted Johnny-cat via phone in the surgical procedure he performed upon his Jeep Cherokee...when he first described how only one side of the truck was working, I guessed a possible stroke, but alas it was a severed artery to the driver side door. After reconnecting the line and succesfully restoring electricity to the locks, windows and mirrors to the area I envisioned John dressed like He-man holding his sword to the sky and proclaiming "I have the POWER!!" (Hopefully, the readers are old enough to remember such a lame 80s reference) So anyway, lets see what else is new and bizarre down here at Spumoni Gardens South? This Saturday, Merle, Jenia Flect, Ian, Kendall and myself ventured downsouth to Lake Worth and stopped in a very low budget restaurant known simply as "The Taco Lady". In all respects, the food was real good and quite inexpensive...but it was the ambiance of this place that was completely disturbing. On every shirt worn by an employeee, (who was inevitably not smiling) and on every wall of this place was a memorial to different person who recently died...we were beset on all sides by tragedy. We decided to eat outside where we wouldnt feel guilty smiling. My suggestion for a slogan for this place would be "Taco Lady, where you can go for a good burrito...and a good cry". So I did read both entries of the romantic saga of Tom, and find myself startled that my advice was actually publicly requested: have we learned nothing in the last decade? Asking me, Frylock for relationship advice is like asking MC Hammer for financial advice...but I will try. Tommasino, like yourself I did in fact date an ex-girlfriend's (former) best friend earlier this year and discovered its not necessarily the best idea...follow in my footsteps and you may find yourself with a new cat and avoiding bars in Abacoa. Also, missing the prom may not be such a bad thing, you're not yet a senior and going to so many junior proms may devalue the Big Show for you. As for going with a friend rather than love interest thats actually a very good idea, it has a way lower incidence of drama. During my senior prom, the only ones not having fun were the couples. Speaking of which, it seems like I've been getting lambasted quite frequently lately for my well known privacy regarding my personal life...so without any details yet, I'll say theres a show in pre-production and we're currently watching to see if it gets picked up for the season. I'll keep you posted.

So the windows on the Jeep stopped working last week, and I figure it's gotta be a blown fuse. I pull each and every fuse from both boxes -- all filaments intact. With a worried feeling in my gut I swung open the driver's side door and grabbed the rubber boot that waterproofs the bundle of cable connecting the door to the frame. I jiggled the cables and fumbled with the switches (very much a "turn your head and cough" moment). And sure enough, it coughed -- the control panel on the door momentarily came on.

Oh, how I hoped the cable would simply unplug at both ends -- I'd disconnect it from the door, disconnect it from the body, and take it to an auto parts store for a replacement. But of course, it did not disconnect. I saw as much when I ripped off the interior panel to trace the wires... Nothing here would be easy.

All that happened over the weekend. It was discouraging, but I resigned myself to driving around with no power windows for a while. Then at lunchtime today I took the car for its emissions test. Without emissions certification I can't renew the registration next month, so this was just another thing on my list. I pulled in. The attendant said: "Roll down your window." I replied, "I can't." And he then explained that he wouldn't be able to inspect the car.

Friggin' tree-huggers!

What do they do? Start your car and lean out the window to sniff for fumes? Repair-procrastination was no longer viable. In the meantime, Steve priced out the replacement cables. I'd have to shell out some $400 just for a bundle of wires I'd never be able to string through the frame and door. I'd need a shrink-ray gun to fit myself and my tools into those tiny clearances! Forget that -- this repair would be a hack job.

So once I was done with office-related work today I went out to the garage to do start some serious bypass surgery. The workspace between the door and the frame is really tight, and as I worked I cursed Ohio's emissions-crazed politicians in many new and exciting ways. Hell, most of this state doesn't even do emissions testing -- why can't Northeast Ohio run its jobs programs in ways that don't break my balls? Commies.

Eventually I bridged the split wire and got the door-panel controls working. You should see the splice job I did to get those wires joined... does a burning car create more emissions than a well-tuned engine? Maybe the eco-brownshirt at the test site can tell me.

(And since I had all the guts open I went for the gusto -- ran a new wire to the side speaker... Got to hear a few minutes of Hugh Hewitt as I put my tools away.)

Next on the list: a new bend for the sewer pipe in the basement. Kind-a like a replacement sigmoid for the house. Wonder how much that will set me back.

"Berlin!"

Tomorrow, Joe's going to Japan. I wish that I was "Going to the zoo today," or "Swimming to Kalamazoo," oh well, perhaps "I'll go fly a kite." The end.

Why do people read this blog?

That's nobody's business but the Turks.'

(Actually, it must be very frustrating: to be searching the web for pictures of Bugs Bunny (keywords "bugs buny") and instead getting a photo of my dining room table's claw foot, au naturel.

How about a nice, close shave?
Teach your whiskers to behave
Lots of lather, lots of soap
Please hold still, don't be a dope
Now we're ready for the scraping
There's no use to try escaping
Yell and scream and rant and rave
It's no use, you need a shave!

This search engine phenomenon reminds me of our favorite meaty urologist -- and now he's even big in Turkey!

I talked to Maloney earlier today, and in mentioning the whereabouts of Bazzukajoe she actually uttered this words:

...and then he goes to Japan.

And in all the years of us saying that, it struck me: this is the one time the phrase is literally true.

Being the corrupted intellect that he is, Steve will like this: it is indeed a rare discussion of literary allusion that sweeps in its ambit the names Emerson, Clausewitz, and Nature Boy Ric Flair.

He'll also like it because he attended Wrestlemania last week. Friggin' lunatic.

Wheeeee, an update.

So, as per my excitement during my last post, I left out a detail about how me and Alicia knew each other.

We know each other through Christen, my ex-girlfriend. Alicia and Christen have been best friends for a really, really long time. Well, Alicia just called me. She sounded really down, but as per the female way, she waited until I asked about it.

"Alicia, you okay?"
"Yeah, what were you saying?"
"No, wait. You don't sound all there."
"I'm not."
"What's wrong? What happened?"
"Christen isn't happy with us going to prom."
"Did she SAY that to you?"
"Well, it was really awkward for me...I asked her if me and you being there together would make her prom less of a good time, and she told me, 'Well, I want you to be happy...but yeah, it would make it less fun for me...But I want you to be happy!'"
"...She said that to you? Well, don't worry about it. We don't have to go to prom together. It's really not a big deal. It's just a dance, Alicia. What's it really mean, anyway?"
"Yes! See? You're cool! No one else gets it...It's just a dance..."

Well, she ended up saying that she wasn't even sure she wanted to go. So I offered we hang out that night, if she wasn't going to go. If she got invited by someone else, it would be totally cool. No hard feelings or anything. There'll be other times to hang out and all.

Well, she sounded pretty excited about the fact that it wasn't a big deal to me. And it looks like we're going to be hanging out real soon, and at least again on prom night, along with one of our friends who goes to another school. Molly, a girl from Northwest Catholic, is pretty sure she has the same prom night as us. All three of us might hang out and have our own non-prom prom.

Not a hard feeling in my body :-) I'm actually glad. Dances bring drama anyway. (I know, I shouldn't be talking about drama. I'm actually trying to get with my ex-girlfriend's friend.) Well, we'll see how it all turns out. And I don't really mind one bit.