On the one hand, it being the last weekend in August makes me a little sad that summer is slipping away. On the other hand, it's really friggin hot this weekend. I've spent the day hiding out in the air-conditioned living room, fiddling with computers and cleaning off my desk (it's futile).

Should be some good blogging next week as my office overlooks mid-town on the west side -- should get a birds-eye view of GOP convention gridlock. With any luck, I'll get to and from work without getting nuked, poisoned, infected or blown up by any of the many enemies of civilization who are currently taking aim at NYC (to be distinguished from the enemies of civilization one usually finds in NYC).

I'm so tempted to blog on politics -- but it's being handled so well by so many other sites.

Maybe we should turn this blog into a 527 group?

Too bad I don't have enough web space to post video clips -- there are so many Mastandrea-isms that just can't be reduced to words. Vinny's: "get outta heeeeere." BazzukaJoe's: "uhhh!" Mojo's: "eh!" And, of course, Vito's: "so I looked at him..."

I'm still in the stress-free protective bubble that enveloped me over the course of my two weeks of vacation. But it is rapidly wearing away. It held up well during the early-morning meeting I had with my boss ("I couldn't hear a word you said" is what I told him afterward). And it withstood the management meeting that run through noon. And was still more or less intact following the onslaught of issues that flew my way throughout the remainder of the day. But I'm frazzled.

I need more vacation. I think I'll go to Najaf. Talk some sense into that Mutanda al Sadr fellow. Get all Brooklyn on his ass.

Kind of like how John recognizes the weird thngs that Uncle Vito may say from time to time. Today during Sunday dinner, Marlena, Jenia, and I couldn't help but reflect on all of the bizarre terms and phrases that we constantly hear my mother say on a daily basis. Some may understand, some may not, but nevertheless just............ Enjoy!

1. "I gotta call Phyllis."
2. "Do me a favor...make some coffee."
3. "Oh Vinny, so sore, so sore."
4. "Why don't you sticka broom up my ass and I'll sweep!?"
5. "Don't you shush me, I only get louder!"
6. "You're as thick as shit!"
7. "You got long hands!"
8."He's the horses ass!"
9. "Don't talk to me like I'm one of your asshole buddies!"
10. "He a poor jerk."
11. "Your mother's got a big one!"
12. "Your sister's ass!"
13. "Your sister's got nothin'!"
14. "He's such a dingleberry."
15. "You must have blocked it out."
16. "Hello...I'm here!"(On the Nextel)
17. "I feel like someone bashed my head in with a sledgehammer."
18. "I'm all sweated."
19. "You smell like the outside."
20. "A bunch of judrules."
21. " I gotta call Mary Jo."
22. "I'm so tired I can't stand up."
23. "I got three hours of paperwork to do."
24. "I could eat tuna everyday."
25. "TRANSFER FUNDS!"
26. "What a sin...that's such a sad state of affairs."

*****If there are any that we have failed to mention, please feel free to add to the list.*****

An honest-to-goodness vacation, our first in many years. Just got back yesterday evening after a long drive that include almost every nuisance delay one can imagine. Not much blogging over the last two weeks, but I'll be sure to make up for it with post-game commentary.

Descriptions would not be complete without mock-biblical allusions to the floods, vermin and pestilence we encountered along the way. We would not be detered! I ate macaroni with Uncle Vinny, swam the width of Jupiter with da boyz, and hopped the Atlantic waves on North Carolina's outer banks. A worthy two weeks on the road -- though I wish we'd been able to see Joe and Phyllis in Orlando (but the day we were scheduled to get there is the day Charley the cat-5 hurricane arrived).

More later. Still getting settled.

when will they name hurricanes more appropriately. Charley Bonnie Earl. No wonder they only hit trailer parks. That the only place you'll find people with those names. Now if they named it Domenic or Fillacamo or Giovinazzo then people would remember them and run when they approach. I think we should petition NOAA to change the 2004 line up of name
Amandolini
Barfolamew
Campari
Douchanimous ( not to be confused with Nostradamus)
Elderberry
Farqhuar
Gandolpho
Hellenistic
Iregusa

okay i am too tired but i am sure the alphabet could be completed. I just want to see originality in the naming process. cookie and furious are missed in florida. i hope the whoopee cushions were used throughout the duration of the trip

Just our luck that we'd have our travel itinerary skewered by not one but two hurricanes. Our current plan is to let them blow through, then get on the road to the North Carolina beach house. We'll get there about a day and a half late, and we'll miss out on the Orlando stoppover with Joe and Phyllis -- but at least we'll avoid storm-driving.

Besides, it's not a disaster area around here -- we spoke to Joe Nebraska today and he hasn't been summoned by the Red Cross to stake out the Gulf Coast.

So, we'll be hiding out the storm here, at Spumoni Gardens South. There's already a big pot of tomato sauce on the stove. And the Cinzano is already flowing. Oh, and it's raining.

Our trip to Florida has thus far not been as colorful as Vito's trip to Mexico, and I mean that in a good way.

We're off to see the turtles.

I asked Mojo if he needed to pee. No, all he wanted to do was run to the McDonalds playgroud.

By the time I came out with our greasy breakfast, Mojo was crying bacause he'd wet his pants -- and that made it hard to use the slide.

OK, eat -- then we'll change you and get back on the road.

No, he wanted dry pants so he could use the slide.

No.

More crying.

Eat your sausage. We're leaving.

Cookie started eating Mojo's sausage -- so now he picked up the plate and started moving with us toward the door, still crying.

That's when Alane spilled the coffee on him. Making him cry more. And making him drop his sausage.

Mojo is having a bad trip.

Finally, a candidate we can believe in:

I stand for the reform of municipal morals and the plain ten commandments. New worlds for old. Union of all, jew, moslem and gentile. Three acres and a cow for all children of nature. Saloon motor hearses. Compulsory manual labour for all. All parks open to the public day and night. Electric dishscrubbers. Tuberculosis, lunacy, war and mendicancy must now cease. General amnesty, weekly carnival, with masked licence, bonuses for all, esperanto the universal brotherhood. No more patriotism of barspongers and dropsical impostors. Free money, free love and a free lay church in a free lay state.

Leopold Bloom has my vote!

A frustrating and ironic aspect of political debate is people's utter inability to agree even on foundational facts. Does this country face a real terrorist threat? Do tax cuts disproportionately favor high-earners? Does a portion of the payroll tax sit in a trust fund, protected by a lockbox? Etc.

Of course, there would be a somewhat better basis for debate if politicians and bureaucrats were required to provide clear information about the finances, operations, and output of their various empires. Alas, there is no way to require politicians to speak honestly. Accountability occurs, if at all, at the ballot box.

I think of that often because where I work we offer many seminars, books and services designed to help companies deal with securities regulations that require corporate leaders to provide, what else, clear information about the finances, operations, and output of their various empires.

Alas, there is no way to require CEOs to speak honestly. But lawmakers don't trust the accountability of the marketplace. Therefore, we have a boatload of laws and regulations that will never work, but which must be somehow dealt with.

Can the laws and regulations ever work better than a fluid and transparent marketplace? That's a question of fact. And in this country, we generally don't agree on basic facts.

Just sitting here flipping channels and came across Undercover Brother. Started watching it at around the part where he dumps Afro-Sheen on the road to foil the motorcyclists chasing his convertible Caddy. Cool stuff. It got the boys' attention. Now the boys are sitting here transfixed.

Yeah, I know. They should be asleep. But it's funny to see what captures their attention. Dumb and Dumber always seems to do it. Ren and Stimpy did it over the weekend. And for some reason The Godfather seems to mesmerize Mojo (scary).

I know I've let things get out of control. The other day Cookie came up to me and started singing:

"Meatwad gets the honey's, see..."

It took me a few minutes to realize he was singing the opening song for Hunger Force Aquateens. I should-a known better.

Apparently ... There is no dignity in the workplace if you live in Florida.

• Me and Steve were driving to Walmart (key to a good story) one day. We happen upon an intersection with a man dressed as a large alligator in the 98 degree heat and waving cars into RJ Gators Restaurant. The car in front of us pulls up really slow and puts the window down. The passenger heaves a full size 7-11 Big Gulp at the guy. It explodes all over him. No mercy.
• Jessica was at work early one morning before Toys R Us opened and the doors were locked. The morning stock guy came and was pounding on the door franticly but Jessica had to wait for a manager to shut the door alarm off before opening it. The guy was losing it. She opened the door and the guy is jumping up and down as he bolts into the store muttering incoherent madness. Sitting on the welcome mat was a man size executive log. Still intact it slid down his leg and out the pants bottom. Thats talent. The other guys working that morning pushed it into the bushes with a a stick and periodically throughout the day thay took employees outside for a tour of the site and specimen. Stunning.
• I was parking my car early one morning at the mall and I watch a guy take 3 gallons of paint out of his van. He is holding all 3 in 1 hand when he loses grip and drops 2. He catches 1 and the other slams down sideways launching an entire gallon of white paint all over the parking lot. Hilarious and i know not how he explained where the 3rd went. Till this day there is a large white circle in the parking lot. Awesome.
• This morning on I95 there was an idiot driving a pick up truck for a mattress company. Going 25 mph in morning traffic. In the back of the truck was mattresses stacked 18 high and another 18 stacked on the cab roof. They were tied up with twine. I wonder if he reached his destination. They were waving in the wind to and fro. If i wasnt already late i would have waited to see the folly.

I95 is an endless source of amusement for me.

Just a little something to think about on the ride to work tomorrow.

Steve's problem is that he's still watching CNN (or reading their website). The big networks and the big newspapers are unanimous in their support for liberal policies -- there's no way they're going to report anything that reflects poorly on a fellow leftist.

Hate Bush? Indeed. But he's not the first to get this treatment. Ken Starr endured it not too long ago (he's a madman!). Newt Gingrich took this beating not more than 10 years ago (he's mean-spirited!). And Ronald Reagan got rained on every time the network news aired (he's dumb! he's a cowboy who's gonna get us all killed! he's gonna make the Soviets mad!).

Getting that kind of bad press is actually a good sign -- it means you're being effective.
Funnier still is listening to Kerry in his own words. My favorite trope is the high-handed condemnation of Bush's negative campaigning -- which almost always precedes a scurrilous personal attack on W. This Kerry dude is much too predictable.

But hey, it's part of the game. Are voters smart enough to see through that game? Nah. They'll vote using criteria even more banal and ponderous than the bullshit being spewed by the networks.

Hey, I went to work in the city again today. Made it home without getting blown up. Woohoo!

I hate to drag this blog back into the political mudscape again, but I was reading an article on Ted "Donate-a-Billion-tothe-UN" Turner's http://www.cnn.com/ website, or as i like to call it "hatebush.com". CNN is considered by many to be the world's leading news source. Now, for months I've been unmoved by all the propaganda showing Kerry well ahead, beloved by the American people, and the inevitable winner in November. John and I have publicly expressed our doubt, and in the face of ridicule have both chosen to predict Bush to be reelelected in November. This ridicule comes based on the mass media's coverage of the race, which like John Kerry is vague and duplicitous. I'm going to paste an excerpt from todays's article, and after reading it I think you will agree. (CNN) -- The race between President Bush and Sen. John Kerry is as close as it has ever been, even after the Democratic National Convention last week, according to a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll released Sunday.
The poll -- conducted Friday and Saturday, after Kerry's acceptance of the Democratic nomination Thursday night -- found the senator from Massachusetts running slightly ahead of Bush among registered voters but slightly behind among likely voters.
Although the poll brought some good news for Kerry (it did?), it suggested that the convention helped mobilize voters on the opposite side as well.
Of the 1,011 adult Americans interviewed, 916 identified themselves as registered voters and 763 said they were likely voters.
The registered voters surveyed favored Kerry over Bush 50-47, a slight change from 49-45 found in a similar poll conducted two weeks ago.
The likely voters polled favored Bush 50-47, whereas two weeks earlier they had favored Kerry 49-47. So allow me to clarify, a registered voter who does not vote is a non-voter. By this logic, Kerry is leading this presidential race.......amongst non-voters. Congratulations to him, I'm sure hes also way ahead amongst deceased voters and house-pets.

Long day at the mid-town office -- and didn't get blown up! Woot. No one tried to sell me shaved fruit either. Pity. Finalizing plans for a Sherman-like storming of the South. No sleep 'til Jupiter.