Over a century ago, Kipling took up the White Man's burden. Today I take up the Barese Man's burden. As suggested by John, I will attempt to compose a comparative analysis of Christmas of 1989 with the Bachelor Party of 2003. Years back, I submitted a comparative analysis of author Ken Kesey versus protagonist R.P. MacMurphy from his novel "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest." This appears to be a monumentally more difficult task, but I am eager for the challenge.

Reflections In The Broccoli Rabe---A Comparative Analysis of Recurring Themes and Characteristics of Mastandrea Celebratory Rites Between December 24, 1989 and October 10, 2003

1.The celebratory rites are always preceded by a group pilgrimage in a multi-passenger vehicle. In 1989, the holiday celebration was preceded by an inter-borough voyage to the assembly-house in a silver 1984 Caravan. The 2003 celebrants journeyed to their chosen assembly location in a white Ford mini-bus.
2. Strong emphasis is placed upon ceremonial headgear. During the 1989 Christmas ceremonies, all seven members of the Mastandrea clan could be seen wearing identical red headpieces associated with St. Nicholas. During the 2003 pre-marriage celebration, members of the Mastandrea clan were seen wearing flesh colored headwear, which occasionally had areolas.
3. Another integral rite seems to be the group consumption of alcoholic beverages. In both cases, Joe Fatone Sr., commenced a ritualistic ingestion of an aged scotch whiskey. This particular drink is known for its mind-altering properties, as well as digestion-altering properties. The former is the intention, the latter is an unfortunate consequence.
4. Its time to examine a recurring theme that once again relates directly to Joe Fatone Sr., and that is the appearance of scented hands. During the christmas festivities of 1989, Mr. Fatone was responsible for preparing the seafood (that would prove vital to the evening fire ceremony) which left his hands smelling very much like shrimp, scallops and codfish. It remains unknown if Mr. Fatone also prepared seafood before the October 2003 celebration, but what is known, is that night his hands wore the unique aroma of shrimp, scallops, codfish...and walgreens perfume.
5. A powerful recurring symbol of these two nights is the bow. A historically important christmas symbol, it could be seen throughout the house in 1989, hung from trees, wreaths and more. In 2003, all the men present to celebrate Joe Mastandrea tying the knot, witnessed a 50 year old exotic dancer tie the greatest bow of all time.
6. Rinsing with water. Throughout the Christmas celebration one could view fruits, vegetables, and fish rinsed clean with water to rid out any impurities. Almost a baptism of sorts. Likewise, during the bachelor party festivities John Mastandrea assisted an unclothed female rinse herself clean of sins and patron man-stink.

This will be continued.....