I've said it before but I'll say it again "THIS BLOG NEEDS AN ENEMA!!" Due partially to my laziness (as well as the likes of BazzukaJoe, Ree, Merle, Peech Un'Molly and Vito C.) for weeks now, John and Ellie have been carrying this blog alone...and so today I join them in the good fight.

Anyway, I start off by mentioning how awesome it has been with Uncle V, he has definitely added a new ingredient to the Spumoni Gardens Dynamic. Thanks to the Big Kahuna and Marie, Uncle Vito now has manicured fingernails, a tan complexion and extensive wardrobe of Polo and Tommy Hilfiger. He not only looks like a million bucks...but I'm pretty sure he carries it in his pocket in tens and twenties. I discovered this today on our trip to Publix when at the cashier and he pulled out a wad of cash that should only be carried around by a Brinks truck ...he brought it to buy Italian Sausage with SunDried Tomato. The man is fascinating. And of course, the brothers have some shared family traits, I watched them not just reading...but studying the Sunday newspaper ads for the different retailers and mapping this week's shopping excursions for maximum efficiency. I have to say his decision to join his brother down south was a good one.

So let's see what else is worth mentioning? Yesterday, Vin had me remove all the miniature pinwheels from Ellexa's room and relocate them to his grotto around the statue of the Blessed Mother...thus renaming her Mary, the Patron Saint of Pinwheels.

I also have a crap story...actually its perhaps the most unimaginative practical joke I've ever seen...which also happens to be a crap story. Earlier in the week, a few teenage customers were in the store when one of them used the shop restroom (which is clearly a common and frequent event), however I did notice although he entered the bathroom empty handed, he left holding a small red box. The box was clearly not a piece of store merchandise, so I guessed it was maybe a greasy auto part that he did not want making a mess...in fact maybe he used the bathroom to wash his hands and now he was going to inquire about replacing this particular part. Instead of approaching me to speak about it, he quickly exits the store, hands the box to his friend, who in turn walks it over and places it inside the rear door of a SUV full of teenagers parked out front. Intrigued, I followed out front to see their reaction. Instantly, the drivers and passengers of the parked SUV jump out amidst shrieks of disgust and terror. The SUV's driver, now outside the vehicle, opens the box top and pulls out a clear ziploc bag containing a full blown executive log. He drops it back in the box and closes the top, he then looks at everyone in disbelief and says very seriously "Now, thats fucked up." Indeed. I asked him to kindly put in the dumpster and keep it away from my establishment..."and the next time your buddy has to relieve himself, tell him theres a Hess station just up the block". Another bizarre footnote to this story: after tossing the shitbox in the rear dumpster, the victim of the joke shared with me an unusual observation he had made "you know there droplets of water in the plastic bag...I think that guy reached in the toilet and pulled that turd out!" At that point, even though I shuold have been angry and as unimaginative the practical joke was...I finally had to start laughing. I was right, that guy was watching filth off his hands caused by the contents of that box...I just miscalculated what was inside.

Finally, I made a splendid pizzaiola sauce today that had universal approval...including Miss Ellexa who shouted in furious anger anytime Jessica even slowed down while feeding her vermicelli. She also banged her head hard on the tile floor and only cried for about 30 seconds. Hard skull and a penchant for macaroni on Sunday....is this kid a text-book Mastandrea or what?