Interesting that Peech Un' Molly is quick to attack my once-a-day Publix habit, but neglects to mention her own personal addiction/obssession to the Publix sub. She spends each workday at the bank fantasizing that shes online at the Deli counter ordering a 6 inch Italian on Whole Wheat, and at night she dreams of laying in a bed of Publix cold cuts, wrapped in a hoagie roll. My cousin Janine often asks Molly " What is a babe like you doing with my cousin?" Well today I reveal my secret: Just before Molly arrives, I rub a dime size drop of Publix sandwich dressing on my neck...and resistance is futile.

I prefer the word "hero" over sub, or hoagie or my least favorite....the grinder. I think I just like the idea better that my sandwich has integrity and courage. The most amazing hero I have ever witnessed remains the legendary visit with Joe Fatone Sr. to John's Deli in Brooklyn. We watched in awe as a man assembled a foot long masterpiece with "some roasted peppers, some cappicola, some mozzarella in the water, a little of that eggplant parmigiana, and can you get me some of that hard provolone?" A true sandwich artist....to hell with those hacks at Subway.

OK, on to another important matter...the demasculinazation of our family patriarchs. Yes, I am refering to Uncle Vito and Big Kahuna each getting manicure and pedicure at the salon yesterday....John can you please submit a legal cease and desist order for such deplorable activities? I know it sounds minimul..but these are "real men" who once drank scotch and smoked cigarettes...they did carpentry work and plumbing, watched baseball and boxing...the model of the blue collar city worker...THESE SAME MEN DOING THEIR NAILS??