Howdy all, Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I took a trip with my parents and some Fatones to Longboat Key, an island on the west coast of Florida. It is outside Sarasota and touches the Gulf of Mexico. In fact, the main street is called Gulf of Mexico Blvd. I had so much fun, I'm seeing us all there in the future! It's gorgeous, we stayed in a cottage directly on the beach and enjoyed the sun, breeze, and solitude. Solitude, yes, this was the atmosphere on the island. When I first arrived (early Sunday morning) I just thought it was quiet because we got there at the sound of the cock's crow. Then I quickly realized:1. A few hours after we arrived hurricane devastation was pasted all over the television, we were all glued to it. Locals probably were as well. Hopefully. 2. Dead blowfish were beached on the shore, and hoards of birds were staring blankly at the sea. 3. We kept coughing, sneezing, yacking, hacking, and snarfing every time we walked outside. It only lasted for 5 seconds but it occurred at every entry. It was all such good material for an M.Knight Shamalan thrasher flick. I repositioned my pillow and blanket to the foot of the bed, where the window wasn't. You never know creepy BlowFish Hands Man could easily break the window and take me in as a servant girl for the crustacean-human hybrids who seemed to be taking over the south eastern coastline.
It wasn't until we went out to eat that our waitress asked us if the Red Tide was bothering us. BINGO! Red Tide was the reason for the striff season. Red Tide can cause respiratory irritation, and is deadly to fish. It's probably deadly to humans as well. Too bad the waitress told us after we scarfed down the coconut shrimp, conch fritters, scallop salad, and other various filets.
Speaking of Bingo, Janine, Aunt Phyllis, my mom, and I went to the Bingo Hall. We were often lost in the neo-Bingo lingo, all the other old hags would yell at us to keep us on track. ("You're not supposed to be on the Gray cards yet, we're all on the Yellow. Gray comes after the Bonanza!") We were busy trying to figure out what was being annouced (The MC talked just like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite= very soft and feminine). After 4 hours of Bingo we were delirious. My mother was blatantly talking on the phone, my aunt Phyllis was singing, Janine was laughing, and I was passing out from the oxygen to carbon monoxide ratio that was taking place. The entire congregation was staring as us in disgust and ultimate animosity. Oh yeah, and we were all wearing Jupiter hats...I'm sure that didn't help.
These old broads really take the game seriously, they had computers, lucky stuffed animals, mucho cigarettes, bingo bags, food, an assortment of colored dobbers. (bingo stampers) And they all sported that pissed off as all hell look on their faces when I won the very first bingo game that my pre-menopausal ass has every played. $25, thank you very much, as they all hocked up phlegm from a cigarette they smoked in 1952.