I used to love Koster's. But alas, they have dishonored themselves and our family. Therefore I must litigate against them.

Steve, I'll take your case.

Initially, I am exploring a "tortious interference with dinner" cause of action. It'll be a tough theory to prove: the U.S. Supreme Court has stubbornly refused to recognize sausage rights in this country, despite the clear text of the "fennel clause" in Article V and Amendment XIV. Roman law used to recognize a private right of action under the "lex salumeria," and that provision actually survived in European Civil Law as the Writ of Salsiccia well into modern times. But the soul-less bureaucrats of the E.U. have lately written it out of their sprawling body of regulation. Kind-a ironic for a bunch of people who never met a guideline they didn't like. Even the U.N. has chosen to not enforce the "Pork Sausage" guarantees contained in its 1962 Convention on Human Rights -- just the occasional toothless Security Council Resolution once every few decades -- no help to us.

Koster, you disappoint me.

I bet they don't even carry the key lime pie anymore.

It's egregious.