I have a legal question for John and Alane: a few weeks ago Jenia and I were planning a nice barbecue at Spumoni Gardens South. We both agreed the nights feast required cervolet, so we made the necessary pilgrimage to Kosters. Upon arrival we discovered that new management at Kosters no longer deemed Italian spiral-sausage an item worthy of carrying. So as a result, our evening suffered irreparable damage....do we have a legitimate case? Possibly a discrimination case against Italian-Americans?

Also the word "congoleum" reminds me of my Aunt Phylliss Fatone's pronunciation of her favorite movie: "Steel Mongolias". A word I find gross is "fondle". It just sounds like I want to throw up.