It looks like the world needs an explanation for my weeklong disappearance, so here goes: BazzukaJoe does not lie, Kim and I indeed spent a week consoling a man requiring an unachievable amount of attention. ( Is it normal when a 26 yr. old man cries uncontrollably should anyone mention cowboy hats, laundry or Johnny Cash?) Anyway, this same man ( the aforementioned "Justinian Skolobasto" a.k.a. "36 Shits") and I have also been working on a side project, a comic strip tentatively titled "Thank You, Mr. Phang" which when it nears a more polished product will definitely get some attention on the blog. So the entire week wasn't darkness and sorrow...just most of it.

Next up: Kim's cast party for her recently wrapped stage production. The party is at the breathtaking beach front condo of the very affluent, and very homosassa lead actor named Stangi. Now, every prior meeting with this guy he is jittery and nervously mumbles all his words, but on this particular night I notice he is speaking slow and clear and wearing a huge blank grin. Apparently, alcohol has an effect on this guy unseen since Jerry Lewis in "The Nutty Professor", and tonite he is feeling particularly amorous. Now everyone has seen a drunk guy tell his friends he loves them, but its usually in a caring frat guy kinda way. Well Stangi begins professing his love to everyone in the room, but its more like a scene from "The Way We Were". I look over at Kim very uncomfortably to alert her that I will not be responding "I love you" to this lunatic. Next I watch him as he begins kissing the play's lead actress (who is married) all over her face, neck and then on the lips (to her shock and dismay). I shoot Kim a very disturbed glance as he moves onto his next victim, a young male actor named Alex who is looking very scared as his face gets showered with the wet kisses stinking of gin. Kim gets accosted next imediatally followed by oh yes....THE VICTIMIZATION OF FRYLOCK. I was licked, rubbed, caressed, and well pretty much pushed to the brink of projectile vomiting. I just faced the opposite direction anytime he approached so that it was my hair, shoulders, and side of my face that got it. It was like allowing a dog in heat to finish because its easier than trying to kick him off. Although it was horrible, I didn't get as bad as some of the other partygoers, and in the end I believe the shared traumatic experience brought us closer, kind of like survivors of a plane crash.

I know this because there was a second cast party downtown a few days later and everyone was far more friendlier and happier...this includes Mr. Stangi who once again started out very calm but as his alcohol levels rose once again transformed into the Amazing Molesto. I watch him from my table as he spots Kim dancing with a female cast-mate and decides to join them. Women would probably recognize the dance he did with Kim, because its sometimes performed at the gynocologist office....only they call it a mammogram. So I elect to not move from my seat in fear of what might be in store for me, and of course that does not discourage him from joining me there. He sneaks up from behind and decides my nipples need some adjustment (its possible hes viewed x-rays from my medical file and knows something I dont) He also gave my hair a good whiff and approved of its aroma. I made a snap decision at that point, I'm going to be skipping any future theater production parties....and I encourage you all to do the same.