I'm picturing BazzukaJoe communing with gentle sea creatures. I'm picturing Joe-maha communing with a ponderous muledeer. I'm picturing Mojo Jojo communing with Julio's giant dog Octo.

It's much too Dr. Doolittle for me.

I remember riding the subway one night in the mid-80's. I think it was 168th Street, and I think it was pretty late. Saw the biggest rat I've ever seen scurrying across the platform toward the tracks.

So I spent 4 days on the island of Sanibel. Very quiet and sedate. No phones. Very relaxing. The house was just steps away from the beach. By day 3 i was bouncing off the walls. We went snorkling the first day and in 10 feet of water i could still see the ocean floor. It was beautiful. Off in the distance you could see dolphin fins in the water and most people were fishing or looking for shells. It is the shell capital of the world. All shapes colors and sizes. I snorkled for quite some time and was consumed by the diverse fish and things that were visible. several times i went don to the bottom to retrieve an odd something. There were many large sand doillars but i wanted a conch shell as big as my head. it eluded me.
Anyway...while out in the water i heard Jessica calling me to turn around. I turn my head and a very large grey blob was moving toward me. I duck my mask into the water and it was a Manatee. It was about 6' long and qiuite round. I swam to it and touched its back with my hand and it stopped in the water. It felt like a wet footbal with 5 o'clock shadow. It submerged all the way to the bottom beneath me and I swam down toward it. I put both my hands on its back and swam back up with it to the surface. We were in about 10 - 12 feet of water. When i came up for air Jessica had swam out to me and as it came up for air she ran her hand down its back. It stayed with us for about 15 minutes and other beachgoers started swimming out to it with thier kids and stuff and it went back out to sea. I had not brought my snorkel camera so i missed it but it was quite an experience. They are very personable animals and like human interaction. There are more stories but here is time for that.
It was a very relaxing trip with no sharks.

Forget what I said yesterday about DIY: today, I feel like a mechanical frikkin' genius.

Still stewing over the fact that only six of the eight trailer-hitch bolts were properly in place, I resolved today to take another crack at it. Driving home from Target this hot-steamy afternoon, I had a ridiculous idea: I'd put some bolts in the freezer to shrink them. Then I'd take them out to the sun-baked metal of the car and see if I could make things fit.

Success seemed highly unlikely -- yesterday, the threads wouldn't catch at all. Still, if I ever had any plan to tow anything, I'd have to get those remaining bolts in place. So I gave it a shot.

And it worked. It worked so well, I almost couldn't believe it was my idea. Now all eight bolts are in at 75 foot-lbs., and we are ready to haul ass.

Flipping through the channels last night I stumbled upon a playing of that 1987 sci-fi, tough-guy classic Predator. Naturally I left it on for a while. And I realized: of all the lame-ass actors in that movie, no less than two went on to become duly-elected governors of rather large states.

I thought to myself, "Does this mean Carl Weathers is next?" But a web-search revealed that SNL got there already.

The trailer-hitch is now attached. Well, mostly. I don't have the hands for this stuff any more. Or the back. Or the patience. I had actually been looking forward to this little project. Now I wish I'd left it to a pro. Let's consider this the last do-it-yourself project. Ever.

Actually, it didn't go all that badly. Cookie came scurrying into my bedroom early to get us started (I told him last night that we'd be doing this in the morning -- I think he slept with his little plastic screwdriver).

I made coffee. Then we hauled out all the tools and hardware. Once under way, I immediately hit an unexpected snag -- the one friggin' bolt I needed to remove to get the tailpipe hanger out of the way was totally frozen. Even after I broke the first turn, every subsequent turn required a full body press against the breaker-bar. Couldn't use a ratchet; couldn't get any decent leverage; couldn't stop using profanity.

Cookie looked on and could sense my frustration.

"A mechanic would be able to turn that bolt," he said.

Yes, I am my boy's hero.

Eventually, the bolt was out. But a related challenge remained: the pre-threaded holes in the frame are corroded and crappy (which explains why the first bolt was such a bitch to budge).

Anyway, I worked through most of the issues -- I still have two of eight bolts that will not thread. I'll have to address that before I ever tow anything substantial. In the meantime, I can mount a bike rack that Alane's been wanting.

And we also know this: when it's time to buy a home, it best be a condo. "I shall fix no more, forever."

Judicial outrage du jour... What self-respecting blog can resist the topic of today's Supreme Court travesty? My take on federal law is pretty straightforward: the U.S. Constitution is so last-century. It's over. Forget it. There is no law today -- only turf-battles among politicans, judges and bureaucrats.

Still, I can't help but think that today's decision is different. More people than ever own homes... And suddenly the Fifth Amendment no longer provides any meaningful check on a corrupt councilman's ability to take that property and hand it to "The Man."

Can this be the one that triggers the backlash?

Let me be the first to predict: people are going to sit up and notice. They will want to know what the decision means to them and their neighbors. They will demand federal legislation to protect them (surely eminent domain can be regulated as interstate commerce -- everything else can). They might even take a new and unexpected interest in the politics that motivate the judicial filibuster (Chuck Schumer, call your office).

But will the people demand a return to the Ratified Constition? Well, let's not get our hopes up too high.

The Corporate Challange wasn't so bad, at least the road part. We were jogging, not running, so my breathing was fine throughout (though I'd like to know what's gotten into my left ankle these days). The real problem? Too many friggin' people: morons who want to stroll four-across with their office pals, "speed-walkers" swinging their idiot arms, and other frustrated runners trying to bob and weave through the bumper-to-bumper traffic. By about the halfway point the pack thinned out -- but the overall experience was blowjhinski. I need a new exercise regimen... My legs are getting old and uncooperative.

I'm going into the other room to ask Alane if she ever wanted to try Greco-Roman wrestling. I think if we pushed the coffee table out of the way we'd have enough room right here.

Petri...very scientific name. Ale guzzling, soccer playing chain-smokers, damn Europeans they're all alike.
I was just thinking about Jojo, first movie theater presentation he ever saw was blood curdling horror. It was in 3D, and involved elves, trains, hobos, and many a Tom Hanks character. Now the circus. Poor kid's never gonna leave the house.

I would have given anything to see Joe do a bad impression of COPS. Destruction of an entire door is very impressive.

I actually went to college with two guys from Finland, Reima and Petri. They both played on the soccer team and drank large quantities of alcohol. Petri was also a chain smoker--kinda strange since he was a soccer player. I do not believe they are representative of the Finnish population.

I took Mojo and Cookie to the Big Apple Circus. It is a one ring circus and plays under an actual big top. I was not looking forward to it as I have an aversion to circuses. Along with the wee folk, clowns creep me out in a big way. However, it actually was pretty entertaining. Part of it could have been there was only one clown in face paint and another guy that did clown stuff but was not face painted.

Cookie was enthralled with the acrobats. Indeed when we saw the commercial on TV, he declared that he was going to be an acrobat when he grew up. He was even more sure of his career vocation after watching the teeter board team. They actually did that thing where two people jumped from a high height onto a board, propelling another guy on the other end of the board high into the air to flip and do other things. This fascinated me also but for quite another reason--any one of this team could have passed for a member of Jenia's family.

Now, watching Mojo at the circus was quite a treat. He sat through most of it with his cheeks sucked in like a fish, and he really seemed to hate the clown. The only part where I saw a normal little kid reaction out of him was the animal acts. This circus does not use any animal that is not domesticated by man. Therefore, the animals involved were dogs, cats, pigeons and horses. I was impressed with the cat tricks. I could never imagine Killer doing any of the stunts that these cats did.

Havarti,
Joe-I have one question: you wearing fitted boxers outside and knocking on the neighbor's door is funny as hell, but did you have a shirt on over the boxers? Because for some reason that image is funnier to me than you in just plain boxers-briefs. (Which is hilarious)
Talked to my mother-in-law Galina today, she's taking me to Helsinki, Finland. Anybody know anything about the Finnish, other than 1. it's cold, 2. vodka, 3. cheese? I'm totally psyched though!!
Today, while Jenia was at work, I hung out with Steve after he got out of work and he made me a fabulous dinner. It was a culinary breakfast bonanza, we ate off of small plates with animals on them, and little animal ear partisians. It was a blast. After that, we headed over to Joey's house, where Darrell was patching up the door. Joey and Jessica were watching a nauseating show about unlucky tourists who contract rare worm diseases that infultrate every oriface in their body. Jenia met us there after he went to Publix where he bought a pound of turkey and swiss with a loaf of bread and jug of grape juice. He offered the body and blood to everyone, but we all declined. So with that, he ate 3 sandwiches all by himself.