Although I proudly own a burned copy of the Violent Femmes Greatest hits album (courtesy of Dr. Sfingi), I cannot claim to recognize the lyrical reference. Instead, everytime I read them I am reminded of my very first trip to Las Vegas. I believe it was our second night there, our entire group of 21 (which included Broadway Joe, his bro Steve, Joe Fatone Sr., his wife Phyllis, BazzukaJoe and even Vito Jr.) took a trip to the Crazy Horse Gentlemens club to visit my Aunt Phyliss's cousin Vinny, who was general manager. Of course, as special guests of the boss and with a super wealthy celebrity in tow we were ushered through the backdoor into a room called "The Emperors Club". It is simply a dark back room of luxury couches with a one way mirror overlooking the club for big rollers willing to pay for privacy. Fine, we all find a seat and look through the glass at the stage and debauchery inside when a line of dancers flood into the room and each find a seat on a knee of a guy in our party. Spoken or unspoken, sitting on a man's knee is a PAY SERVICE. Luckily, I declined any offers made to me, but one particular member of our party was an NSYNC tour guitarist named Ruben, who anyone would agree is a genuinely loveable guy. Sitting on the couch with an exotic dancer perched upon him, he was engaged in an intense conversation...and what believed were very thoughtful and complimentary gyrations upon his knee. Minutes later, as their chat ended, she kindly requested her three hundred dollars plus tip. I can never erase the shocked look upon his face, as he rose from his seat and walked in shame to the ATM machine. As we left the club for our cab, he turned to me and Vito Caravella, and revealed to us how he was fooled : "You know, when a woman tells me I have a beautiful body...I believe her." Vito was in utter disbelief, but he still thoughtfully and sympathetically nodded to him. Later that day, Ruben also revealed his envy that our entire party (with the exception of bodyguards) were of Italian descent, and he was the sole Hispanic. He once again confided in Vito, BazzukaJoe and myself his wish for a more Italian-sounding name: "What do you think of calling me Rubino?" We unanimously agreed it was a terrific idea...and left out it was also the last name of the OB/GYN which delivered, me, BazzukaJoe and Merle. So anyway, I now have no clue how that Violent Femmes lyric managed to conjure up that memory.

Looking back, that Vegas trip was insane. Thanks to Broadway Joe, we managed to:
1. Sit in the front row and meet George Carlin.
2. Visit the Grand Opening of the Aladdin hotel, in which we walked out of an awful Enrique Iglesias concert.
3. Watch a dealer try to rip off Broadway Joe...oly to be called out on it by Steve Fatone. We received a complimentary dinner for 21 at the Brown Derby as an apology.
4. Watched Rita Rudner eat some cheese from a case which was methane gassed just minutes before by my cousin Steve.
5. We drank chivas regal and ate baked ziti as we traveled on a private jet.
6. Did I mention we had two penthouse suites?
7. Wow, I'm probably forgetting a ton, I'll have to ask Bazzuka where all that photo album is.

Anyway, now that I'm done daydreaming lets get down to business. I had a friend produce some pretty compelling evidence that Paul McCartney died in 1966 and an imposter has been living in his place for the last 43 years. He had comparative pictures and forensic evidence, whereas I would point to the songs "Comin Up" and "Silly Love Songs" , but most of all the decison to dye his 65 year old hair red as hope that hes an imposter.

Lets see, what else is goin on today? I heard CNN announce the US recession is over...thats great news. They also informed me that rising rates of unemployment and foreclosure combined with falling production and consumer spending is the strong irrefutable evidence the economy has rebounded...this is also great news. I am proud to be apart of a society that embraces such progressive ideas and outside the box thinking. I also have a similar theory that the best treatment for emphysema is smoking cigarettes...my proof is of course, the shrinking lung capacity.
CNN (surprisingly) reported that the Obamacare promotional team is taking to Craigslist to hire supporters for health care. Isn't the same site people were hiring hookers? Indeed Craig's become the place to meet pimps, crooks, and citizens looking to get screwed. I think I should apply for a job on their ad team. I can help them create some catchy slogans like:
"The price tag will make you sick...but we should be able to get you a doctor in a few months"
"Just eat some chicken soup...until your appointment in March."
"Your temperature is 101...thats a little high, your tax rate is 95%...thats a little low"

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