I recieved this in my email box this morning, and felt it my moral and civic duty to share it with the rest of the world. Vito Jr., you are a fascinating individual, and all I can say is WoooooooW.
hi.. i wrote this last night.. i tried to get it on the blog.. but my page says.. im only part of the tutti barese blog.. so i couldn't post in macaroni dish.. so i emailed it to u guys..
hello.. im sittin in my computer chair.. just got home from my girlfriends house a few minutes ago.. im watchin conan o'brien..i love this show.. jerry seinfeld is the main guy for the night.. he did some new material.. it was pretty good.. and promoted his new bee movie.. again.. then its time to goto commercial.. first commercial.. its for a prescription drug called CHANTIX.. a pill to help people quit smoking.. it somehow blocks the nicotine receptors in your brain.. and helps fight cravings.. making for a smoother transition into the life of a non-smoker.. the commercial is all about positive messages and a sense of hope.. and easily achievable success.. they demonstrate visually with a tortoise and rabbit racing to point out that slow and steady wins the race to quit smoking.. and all the while a male narrator.. sounds like he is in his thirties.. possibly a family man.. a smart man.. probably a non-smoker.. he knows all about this terrific discovery.. and he wants me to know.. so he speaks right to me (im the only one in the room).. in his confident know-it-all voice.. he thinks i should talk to my doctor about this CHANTIX.. so i know he's lookin out for me..and then he tells me about the side effects.. which he should have waited for the doctor to tell me that.. because most of them are pretty lousy.. but its only MOST.. not all.. the side effects are..
nausea
sleep disturbances.. (trouble sleeping, changes in dreaming)
constipation
gas
vomiting
i want to have changing in dreaming.. the nausea would not be fun to have.. neither would the vomiting.. and to be honest... im not a big fan of being constipated.. but after that we have gas.. hahaha.. now that is another pretty cool side effect to have.. i would be blasting farts here.. there.. everywhere.. and on the telephone for long distance farts.. it would be pretty great to have just the weird dreams.. and gas side effect.. however.. in the wrong hands.. that sort of side effect combination could make a man go insane with power.. but i digress.. the reason i am writing this.. is because.. i have tried to quit cigarettes a while back ago.. and used the assistance of a nicotine patch.. and that too effects your dreams.. but they used different phrasing.. on the patch box it said.. may experience vivid dreams.. and one night i had a such a side effected dream.. that i was in this random house somewhere in dreamland.. and i was pregnant.. and not the "its bluuuue!" pregnant.. i had a watermelon stomach pregnant.. hahaha.. then i remember being on a beach.. with my newly birthed offspring.. i dont remember if it was a boy or girl.. then somehow i lost the poor kid somewhere on the beach.. maybe in the waves.. im not sure..at one point i looked up into the sky.. and there were hoards of flying lobster tails.. just flying in one direction..and pretty much blocking most of the blue sky.. then i woke up.. it was still dark outside.. got outta bed.. went to pee.. scribbled the main parts of the dream on a piece of paper.. and went back to bed.. which was unfortunately dreamless.. but that dream was by far the wierdest dream i have ever had.. it would be great if we could control what we dream about.. but having each dream be a surprise is great too.. good ones or bad ones.. i wonder if they could make a pill where the desired effect is to have vivid weird dreams.. but then again it would probably also have its fair share of the crappy side effects.. it ain't right.. i am contemplating in using the CHANTIX.. because i would like to and should quit smoking.. and i would like to experience the weird dreams again.. plus there is the slight chance of receiving the priceless gift of gas.. so i am going to look into it.. http://www.chantix.com/ .. so hopefully one day soon after a nap or after a night in sleep mode.. i can blog about a story of me farting so loud that i wake myself up from some outrageous dream.. and hopefully i won't smell like cigarettes..