I need to return to Joey's previous entry about moving the Hell House of Haynie Lane, because I think I can break down the experience itself into some broad themes.

1. Strange Colors. How does a bathtub become blacker than tar? According to Darrel the water filters were failing. Now, I don't claim to know much about science but if the water is doing that to the porcelain, what the hell was it doing to this poor woman's body? Anyway, I have my own theory; I'm convinced the stains were left from a bath-tub cremation. I also must mention the living room walls, which were caked so thick with green mold, that it appeared to be growing broccoli and green squash. ( And not the kind you see in the produce section, but the giant mutant strain that Uncle Lenny cultivates in his 40th St. garden)
2. Deformity. Each animal residing in this house posessed a physical abnormality: a labrador with some sort of tracheotomy which prohibited it from making any audible sounds other than a cough was being followed around by a cat missing a portion of its skull. And of course, as Joey mentioned earlier there was the most adorable tail.....missing a cat.
3. Odor. A decade of accumulated dirt, mold, and fecal matter produced an indescribable smell; the distinctive scent of an entire colony of e.coli. It surprises me that none of the house pets were missing a nose.
4. Yarn. I have never seen so many spools of yarn in my entire life. Every wall unit, bureau, chest or armoir we moved was overfilled and erupting with spools of yarn, which would inevitably fall out and drag under our feet while we were loading the truck. I can only assume this woman was sewing a quilt to cover Alaska. As a bonus, the yarn wore the special house scent, so in Joey's possession they transformed into WMDs. (I think Heidi may still be suffering from Gulf War Syndrome)
5. Irony. I counted four vacuums and three lawn mowers (one of which she insisted on us moving to a townhouse which had no lawn) . The grass and shrubs were three stories high and the carpets needed the cleanup crew of the Exxon Valdez.
6. Wagers and Dares. Examples: "Pleeeease, Jessica. I will give you 15 dollars, all you have to do is put this woolen hat on your head" or "Pat, I dare you to press your face into that daybed mattress ". Needless to say these continued throughout the day without a single acceptance....until Darrel scooped up the cat tail with his bare hands and chased his daughters around the house. (And for this he is King)

I must admit I'm glad I partcipated in moving day at the Hell House. We had a lotta laughs, and after all a little Legionnaires Disease is good for you once in a while.

In other news, a few days ago I witnessed a Reggae Hasidim on the UPN network. He sings like Marley, dresses like Rabbi Moskowitz. I encourage everyone to keep their eyes peeled for this rising star. I don't know his name yet, but my prediction is he going to make it big. Mazel Mazel. Good things.