Don't get me wrong: I have nothing against People magazine. The citizenry needs its fix of starlets and fairy tales. My only beef is that nearly every major news outlet has put itself in the fairy tale business too -- and somehow they always find a way to write us in as villains in their morality plays. Sticks and stones, yeah... but we're about to find out what happens to media companies that vigorously deride half their potential audience.

I shall savor every bankruptcy.

And speaking of fairy tales, I hear 200 kegs of beer spilled onto a Florida highway yesterday. What the hell is going on down there? The citizens need their celebrity gossip! And they need their beer!