I want to make clear that I am not posting this because I want to know exactly how many bottles of hot sauce are in the refrigerator. The topic is hot sauce because I'm quite partial to a variety of habanero and chipotle sauces. That variety (maybe two dozen bottles) awaits me in the fridge any time I want to add a splash of heat. Besides the opened bottles in the fridge there are also unopened bottles in the cupboard. In summary, it doesn't make sense forme to buy hot sauce for a while. Why, then, am I staring at a bottle of "HAZMAT Hot Sauce?" Because it was the first prize in HAZMAT Jeapordy at the conference I'm attending this week.

The label featues great twists on classic warning symbols, an inside joke for us mop-n-glow types, and the phrase, "Keep away from children, pets, and the medically challenged." Yum!

As rejuvenating as instructing is for me, conferences like the one I'm attending remind me how carefree being a student can be. And how much fun it can be trading videos with other instructors. I have three new video clips of fires, explosions and their aftermaths which is a great trade for the one PowerPoint presentation that I gave him.

This week the blog is approaching the conversation density of the table at Spumoni South. It is great to have so many conversations going here, and I'm sorry that I've worked days and nights this week. Here's my attempt at catching up.

I'm amazed that John didn't say anything about Alane calling him a kook. At least she said that kooks are attracted to her. As for the kooks at the monster trucks, you might want to take a carbon monoxide detector the next time you go, just in case it comes from breathing in the exhaust-filled auditorium.

We're aware that the next trip will need to be longer, Joe, although we didn't need to go to the Improv to laugh. We laughed plenty at Spumoni, Universal, and at the Fatones. It could be dangerous - how many Mastandrea hecklers can a comic take? Were your parents wearing helmets while they did laps around the house? That would explain the stop watch on the scooter.

Hindsight is 20/20. I wish that the sign I made for the trip to Palm Beach International had said "Floyd Vivino." It was still a great gag. Steve, I'm glad I got to visit Blackouts.

To Phyllis' suggestion of scents for the new house, I add the scent of bracciole.

I blog from our sparse and huddled campsite in an upstairs bedroom of Berea-Rose. The boys are fumbling with their sleeping bags in a tent that has been pitched about two feet from our inflatable mattress. We got here just a little while ago, set up some basic stuff in the kitchen, drank some port from demit-tasse mugs, and now it's time for little monkeys to get some sleep.

(Drove 500 miles today with four bicycles lashed to the back hitch -- and it was crazy windy today, making the bicycle load into a sort of suicide tail-rudder... made it okay all the same.)

I would like to congratulate Jessica on a truly amazing feat--being married to a Mastandrea and having a child that resembles her instead of the Mastandreas. Ellexa is a beautiful little girl and looks amazingly like Jessica.

I am so excited about the new house. I'm waiting for John to get in tonight so we can all go over together for the first time. I have many decorating ideas in mind--unfortunately I think they will have to stay there for a while.

I was so sorry and jealous to have missed the Mastandrea get together in Spumoni South. It sounds like it was awesome. We did not have nearly as much fun here. Although we did see monster trucks again and go on the arena floor. We were waiting in line by the Manson family. This was exactly the type of crowd I expected for monster trucks.

We did go to the Science museum too and the boys were quite intrigued. Many gadgets to play with, and a truly disgusting display about body odor where you sniffed and had to guess what body odor it was. One choice was labeled anus and man it was...The boys liked being poop on the giant stomach playground.

I have had several truly insane conversations recently. I was checking out at the super market and the cashier (a 40 something guy) asked if I wanted to donate $ 1 for the hunger campaign. I said sure and it launched this man into a nutso tirade about how this wouldnt help people and what they needed was jobs. I said it wouldnt do much good if they were all starved when the jobs did show up. He then proceeded to tell me what trouble we were gonna be in when the UN took control of the country....YIKES--kooks are attracted to me.

Scarier still was at work when a bunch of guys (who seemed to be normal enough) were discussing the Great Lakes Consortium. This a group of states that surround the great lakes and are unifying to make sure water rights aren't being sold to other states for fresh water. This wasnt kooky but then they started to discuss how it would put Ohio in a great position when the inevitable civil war for fresh water occurred...

Well the boys are being horrid cuz they know I am occupied so I'll sign off for now. Glad to hear everyone had a good time. I'm still jealous....

I haven't done anything but shop for the last two days and boy does it get old fast! I still have one more trip to go to pick up 'incidentals' --- all the things I left off the list on the last three trips and discovered when I got home. When the first Friday of the month coincides with the third day of the month, Katie-bar-the-door, the stores are packed with government, military, seniors and the disabled. I thought about going at three this morning when there was a chance that the lines would be shorter, but it was raining and icy out so I went back to bed.

Tarka is loving the cold snap though. She has been out in the cold rain for half an hour and shows no signs of wanting in. "Brrrrr chilly," is all I can say. But then, Sterling our cat has been outside all along, too. I thought cats weren't supposed to like rain, but he wants to be wherever Tarka is. I don't know if he thinks he is a dog or if Tarka thinks she is a cat. Probably a bit of both since Sterling is the wildest cat I have ever had that wasn't strickly a barn cat. He has decided that he can't use the litter box anymore and is now using my houseplants. I threw out four more yesterday but caught him this morning and gave him a shot of cold water from the squirt gun. It didn't phase him. I picked him up and took him to the litterbox and stood there until he gave in to my demands. I rewarded him with a dab of butter. Not good enough. He only wants butter when he can steal it off the counter, it seems.

I have said it before. . .having pets is like having perpetual two-year-olds in the house who shed.

I haven't done very much food shopping in the last two months. And that's not very good. That doesn't mean I'm not eating -- there's plenty to eat. But none of it is very straightforward food -- I'm trying to deplete the stockpile of canned, frozen and dry-packaged items. We've got years worth of the stuff, and I'm finally clearing some shelves. But getting there has not always been easy.

I really have to start marking canned foods, with at least the year of purchase. Same with frozen food -- I've eaten some chicken in the last few weeks that tasted like refrigerator mildew.

And I'm running out of rice already.

I had a blast. . .I admit, the only times in my life when there was that much noise going on in my house, it was a knock-down-drag-out-to-the-death-of-dignity-and-beyond fight. But I got used to it very easily. . .a few time outs with the dog outside and I was ready for all the family I could absorb. It was marvelous and yes, I am tearing up thinking about it. Joe and I had our humanity restored.

I have to admit that I miss it. With Joe gone from dawn until ten at night freguently, it gets really quiet in the house. I am making a pest of myself to Joe-maha by sending him links to all of the job openings in Florida in his field. He leaves again in a few minutes and won't be back until Sunday night.

At least this trip he gets to play Hazmat Jeopardy. . .don't ask, it's an EM thing!

Wow.
Congratulations on the new homestead. Awesome.
Four bedrooms of Willy Wonka style creations that are built around the house. Excellent. When we do make our trip alert the men that i will bring my legos, erector set and power tools. You will have to build an extension after that. Maybe we can install a pipe next to your kitchen table that reaches 900 degrees. I wonder if we can build a couch that has 800 square feet of storage beneath it? hmmmm . Funny my dad has a closet in his bedroom like that. I can not way to see it john.

I think i will be making a shirt with Furkake on it. Come to think of it sometime my cat gets furcaki ....on her tail. I do not think i want it on my rice.

Convergence is a good word. Thanks Joe and Ellie for making the journey. Thanks to Joe i have at least a month of commuting music to entertain me. Next trip we must go to the improv. It was a most memorable visit, hope it was for you. I know Vin was very happy to see you guys. Funny Steve refers to the initiation of being at the table. I always have to warn the new people that there is much activity and conversation around the dinner table but no one is ever ready for it. The word overstimulated comes to mind.

Why is Love shack always on? Does the whole shack really shimmy? Are there really 700 cds to choose from?

Hey aunt phyllis tell uncle pat that was way too much information. Last week we came by my moms house and my mother is sitting on my dads lap in his wheelchair and they are doing laps around the house and donuts in the kitchen. Ughh. Very Disturbing
Wish you could have stayed a little longer but im glad you made it.
we'll see stef sunday. Snowing huh? Its nice here for once. 70's lately.
Should hook aida up with tom tuttle, that would be great haha oh isnt she married though? i dont think i said more than hello to her. There much yelling on her cell phone. i didnt want to interupt the verbal tirade you know its hard to get that flow going again.

Wow, this blog is a hotbed of family conversation....I love it. This is the first opportunity I've had to post on that amazing Mastandrea Convergence on Spumoni South last week. Thank you to Joe, Ellie and John for sharing your time, energy and love...we truly thrive on it down here. As expected the laughter was the only thing more plentiful than the food...and I can't wait until we get to do it again. I knew the visit was going perfect when I found myself at Palm Beach International Airport holding a sign reading "OTTO ARENA". I want to extend special thanks to Ellie for accepting our family so wholeheartedly...its wonderful to have you a part of it. You gave an olympic worthy performance at the stove, and more importantly at the table. You know we forget how difficult the first time at the Mastandrea dinner table can be for the uninitiated: trying to eat and keep track of all fourteen conversations occurring simultaneously while "Love Shack" plays at top volume...but Ellie was one of us. Anyway, It was my pleasure to care for Tarka, not only did I adore her company I'm pretty sure her presence increased sales at the store by about 20% that day. I'd like to thank Joe and John for taking the Vin-man and visiting me at the store, I know it was a bit hectic and hard to talk, but it really meant a lot to me. I have friends in Jupiter who have never bothered to see the little dog and pony show I call Blackouts Inc....your thoughtfulness seems to have no limits. I was kinda thinking to myself as we watched Clearwater Aquarium video, "What Would Vito say?" as he watched us tamper with the exhibits, mock the aquarium staff...and then refer to the place as a sewage plant with fish? I think he'd say "you wanna see shit-hole full of filthy animals? Come to my job..." Anyway, I gotta get my silly-ass on the road. To those in NY and Connecticut enjoy the snow today....its about 80 here today.

In all the conversation we had in Florida last week (and there was a lot), there was at least one important conclusion that we drew and it bears repeating here: everything is funny; you just have to take the time to notice. And so it was that I sat down this morning to my dog's breakfast of Kashi cereal with soy milk (look at me, former doughnut-eating champion... how the mighty have fallen) and the phone rang. It was the Cottle School in Tuckahoe. Did I know that due to today's snow there would be early dismissal? Well, no, I did not know that.... Thanks for the info... but my kid hasn't been enrolled in that place for months.

While Cookie attended Cottle we were often unhappy with the school's failure to share what we considered important information. I'm glad to see the situation has improved -- perhaps removing one's child is a bureaucratic pre-requisite to parental contact?

I sneaked in my morning jog before the start of the snow; the first flakes fell on Tuckahoe as I walked out for the train station. And by the time I was crossing Seventh Avenue to get to my office, the ice crystals were being whipped by the wind across my shivering jowls. That part wasn't funny.

Four bedrooms? Think of all the contraptions Cookie and Mojo can build. Congratulations

Thanks for posting that photo from way back when in Brooklyn, Joe. Talk about a stroll down amnesia lane!