Our family has more than a handful of genetic defects, not the least of which is the severe protein-clumping that occurs on and around the shopping chromosome. At a recent trip to BJ's Wholesale I decided that the $3.99 bottle of spumanti was too good a deal to pass up.

Spumanti is good stuff -- "the women go for it," said one wise... guy.

I got the bottle out of the refrigerator yesterday as the spaghetti was about done. I removed the twist-off cork (my first clue that something was amiss). I poured and tasted.

Expecting something really awful at $3.99 I was pleasantly surprised -- the taste wasn't awful. Still, it didn't have an authentic "wine" finish. It was almost completely colorless. And very sweet, though I expected that.

Anyway, I mixed it with a little red wine to add some body and sat down to eat. I was really wanting to like the stuff, and I sat there reading the label: VERDI was the name. I was curious, because the stuff did purport to be from Italy, but it didn't say what region. I perused the label more closely. That's when I saw it: "malt beverage."

Malt beverage? What, like Colt 45 the malt-liquor bull?

I was appalled. This stuff wasn't even real wine. Alane and I promptly rendered the VERDI verdict: VERDI is turdy.