Not to throw my wife under the bus, but while she was engrossed in grading papers last night I played "We are Robots" and after about one minute she stopped, looked up and politely said "I don't know what your listening to...but its awful". I didn't reply or argue, just laughed and turned off the sound. (I had to watch the rest of the no-budget video.) Some tastes have to be acquired...like Turkish coffee and Bulgur salad.

Anyway, because Bentley has been struggling with skin allergies for the past week or two, Jennie decided to take him to a new vet recommended by my boss. The office is buried deep in the bowels of backwoods Jupiter Farms. I can only imagine what sort of disturbing sights she must regularly see, considering I have never seen a single animal in the Farms that doesn't possess some sort of physical defect or malady. If Dr. Sfingi can link us to the tale of the Hell House on Haney Lane (OK, done), you will recall the dog with the tracheotomy or even better...the petting zoo at the old Burt Reynolds estate. Just in case that story has yet to be told I hit you with a few details.

I believe it was back in 1997 (which is scary to think is 15 years ago), that Broadway Joe was just beginning his ascent in the entertainment business and was forced to spend most of the year working and promoting in Germany. To record and share his experiences there, his now-wife Kelly bought him what was in 1997, a state of the art handheld camera. So given some time off , Joe flies back to Florida and on one particular weekend shoots down to Spumoni Gardens. After viewing some of his amazingly funny footage in Germany, we decide this camera must be put to good use here. We head off just a few miles down the road to Burt Reynolds Petting Zoo, which was open and free to the public, and to my knowledge an abandoned refuge for deformed animals. Somewhere out there still exists a video tape of the four balloon-heads...who even in 1997 were old enough to know better, mocking and toying with sad mutant deer, llamas, emus, goats and even a burro (which had a sign above its cage informing it was a gift from Dom Deluise!). I feel sheepish giving all the details of the tape, but Broadway Joe was taught that an emus neck can be twisted 360 degrees without any physical harm...and he demonstrated. BazzukaJoe carried with him a backpack full of Doritos and M&Ms we could feed the hungry animals, by the time we reached the goats we had ran out, and were forced to feed them the receipts that were left. There was a llama with a severe dental problems, that we felt obligated to publicly humiliate, and the big finale was was an up close video of a goat pressing his face to Steve Fatone's ass, to which he responded to with a blast so powerful and perfectly timed that it stunned the goat frozen. Its a scene we watched 700 times and laughed every time. Anyway, I now start my day off with a big silly grin remembering that confused goat.
Disclaimer: Dr. Sfingi, please explain to your children...these are all terrible ideas.