Mojo got Bloomberged this week. I asked him earlier in the week if he was looking forward to the new routines they give sixth graders as part of their "junior high" experience. It was characteristically pathetic to hear that the one thing that made him happiest would be the option to buy soda at lunch -- something that wouldn't have mattered to Cookie last year because he doesn't drink the stuff.

Well, imagine Mojo's disappointment yesterday when he learned there would be no more soda for sale in the cafeteria. It was like when NY changed the drinking age on me after I'd be legal for six months!

Anyway, I told them if they got straight A's I'd buy them a case of Bawls and let them take a bottle with them each day to drink with their lunch -- the stylish way to stick it to the lunch lady. And keep the classroom shaking.

The boys are downstairs right now watching Abraham Lincoln Versus the Zombies. It's about as bad as you'd think it would be. Which is about as bad as Bubba Ho-Tep, which featured Elvis fighting an alien invasion. Yeah, nothing but the classics around here.