OK, people I am not a heartless bastard but the Kennedy funeral footage has become a little over-the-top. I haven't seen this kind of distraction from bigger issues and over-glorification of a flawed individual well since MJ...who I might add would get my election vote before Ted Kennedy anyday. Anyway, I'm not going to explore this any further, I don't need the CIA (whose agents are presently being reduced to junior high hall monitors) to report me to Janet Napolitano.
Lets see what else is going on? Last weekend Spumoni South witnessed the engagement of Stefani Massari and Steve Dombeck...an exciting announcement and great celebration. Last weekend, the A/C died in our apartment. Probably in Berea this doesnt seem like such a tragedy...but in South Florida its kinda like being wrapped in a wet down comforter and then stuffed into a dryer turned on high. I instantly converted into emergency mode getting an electric fan and opening all the windows. My kitchen window decided he didn't believe in staying open...he in fact believed in inflicting intense pain upon my fingers by slamming upon them. Safe to say after the loss of blood and throbbing pain...I kinda forgot about the heat. Landlord sent an AC the next morning. As he entered I noticed three things about:
1. He was Creole
2. He had no tools.
3. He was going to change am air handler and a compressor with no help.
I looked him right in the face and turned to give Jennie my best Big Kahuna impression...."Get attta here. Sent a guy with no tools....he's shot. Time to go."
Safe to say we left at 8am and he was still finishing at 9pm. Unbelievable. Anyway, I'm gonna be back to comment on Alane's crocodile dundee dream...I believe my analysis determined it has something to do with midgets ans Dennis Kucinich.

Sadly, we pause to mark the passing of ... summer vacation. Yep, Da Chimpz are off to school today: packed their lunches, put on their uniforms, and are now sitting in their little desks getting some education.

Or so we hope.

The weather never really got summer-like anyway -- just a few hot days in mid-August. I have a few tomato plants still growing in pots out back. Got a few green ones; nothing has ripened yet (though they did get a late start).

Lots of fascinating stuff in the news these days -- too much to comment on here (without offending someone). My favorite item today is the report of an IRS ruling that rejects the "Turbo-Tax defense" to non-payment of taxes. Like so much else, those techniques only work for the Select Few.

We watched "Holy Grail" on Friday night, at Cookie and Mojo's request. I think we need to watch it a few more times: I want them to be able to recite the "annoying peasant" scene by rote in time for college -- or maybe even high school.

Oh, and like I mentioned to Moolah: you only take someone to the Everglades if you're trying to dispose of a body.

Today I took the day off as it was the chimps last day of freedom before return to the academic setting. We went up to a little waterpark that also had go-karts and bumper boats. It was a beautiful day and we had a great time.

I did not dream of ghosts with towels--but I did dream that I was fishing for alligators with just fishing line, a bobber and regular hook. It strikes me when I am awake that this probably would not be the best way to catch alligators. On top of fishing with that awesome equipment--I had to fish through a chain linked fence so the alligators wouldnt be able to dash out of the water and eat me. Due to cookie's school report this year--I know alligators and crocodiles can sprint short distances very quickly. In the dream, I became very frustrated that the alligators werent biting and started walking away--which apparently broke some alligator fishing rule and the alligator jumped the fence and charged me--however, i woke up so i dont know my fate. dreaming of members of the crocodilian family is very disturbing.

Oh, and another thing about sleeping next to a dream-filled Steef. I think we were all bunking down in Marlo's living room, trying to get some sleep despite Steve's intermittent murmuring of the word Premio.

I remember it was cold that night. Sausage-cooler cold.

Because I'm old and still enamored of the old brand names that saw me through my extended adolescence, I sprung for the new Pet Shop Boys CD. It arrived yesterday and I played it.

Yikes. The first tune I heard was a song called "This Used to Be the Future"; as I listened to it I kept thinking the title should have been "These Guys Used to Be Talented."

The music itself wasn't so bad -- same old sound, not even much update.

The lyrics started at about 1:30 in, an angst-riddled lament that can be either hokey or hackneyed depending upon the listener's reservoir of actual angst:

I can remember planning for leisure
Living in peace and freedom from fear
Science had promised to make us a new world
Religion and prejudice disappear

Followed by typical post-modern moralizing and alarmism. So I was already cringing when at about the 2:30 mark the music got very earnest -- hysterically so. The stuff was so futuristic and forthright it made me think of Zlad's "Elektronic Supersonik."

Hey baby, wake up from your asleep
We have arrived onto the future
And the whole world has become
Electronik supersonik

Onto my love rocket climb
Inside tank of fuel is not fuel
But love
Above us there is nothing above
but the stars
Above

As social commentary, Zlad's work definitely provides more insight and packs more punch. All systems gone: prepare for downcount!

And speaking of social commentary, what the hell is Frylock eating before going to bed at night? He's lying in bed having such cramps and sweat that even spectral phantasms are offering to put towels on his head.

Dude, you are watching too much CNN. I went to the doctor yesterday and had to sit a whole friggin hour in the waiting room watching an endless loop of an insufferable CNN feed. Bad enough they do it to us when we're herded at airport gates; now they have to torment us when we're waiting for our meds?

Believe me, I got enough pain. And why CNN? Who's going to believe anything they hear from them?

After an hour of listening to the two blowhard hosts I wished a ghost would throw in the towel for me as well. Who needs Death Panels when you have stuff like that?

Steef---

After reading your 10 recent thoughts post, I think I completely understand why you had that dream a few nights ago....

The constant critiquing of cnn news and fox news has made you completely insane...infact arguably certifiably nuts.....we need to cut back....

John I think you will appreciate this dream (or my perspective atleast), your cousin can fill you in on the details..

A few nights ago, I woke up to my better half whining and choking on his words (I believe he was crying) ..."THE GHOOOOOOOOOSTTTT....NOOOOOOOOO....THE TOWEL...."

I had to violently shake him awake.. He thanked me and said "the ghost was putting a towel on my head" and then he just passed out..At this point, I didn't know what to do....check him into a mental hospital or pretend like it didn't happen out of respect...



Naturally, I just chuckled myself back to sleep and decided to share it with his family members...respectfully ofcourse....

I later found out that Steve dreamed he was one of those "ghost hunters" and one of the ghosts put a large towel on his head and was choking him....Why a towel? I don't know....

The only thing I can gather from all of this is:


Time to lay off the spices ...leave them to the "REAL MEN"...or women for that matter....

Yeah, this is definitely a disease. For the second day in a row I was drawn into a local discount store and mesmerized by the dizzying array of hideous kitsch. Yesterday I wandered into Tuesday Morning; today I wandered the aisles of Old Time Pottery.

It's like binge drinking: I lose track of time, following successive and unrelated flights of fancy, while only vaguely aware of a self-loathing that only spurs me to stare even longer at merchandise so massively horrendous. So exquisitely horrific.

I originally went out this morning to buy computer supplies. Instead I have a couple of ceramic baking dished. Got 'em real cheap. And unlike the tech equipment, I don't really need them.

Funny thing about a Mastandrea who gets annoyed -- even standing alone we can be an angry mob.

Like getting the mail just now -- the little postcard from the local Chrysler dealership (the one that didn't get closed after the tax-money hose-down). It seems they want me to continue my longstanding (and expensive) habit of having service performed at authorized dealers. To which I reply: no, I will not. You have annoyed me. Just like those asshats at Discover Card. Schnooks.

Some Things I Been Wondering:
1. How come nobody ever uses the words "palooka" or "shnook" anymore? I miss them, can't we start a petition to bring them back?
2. How come RuPaul hasn't made any records recently? Or what about Lime? Is it just too much to ask for a new album from Right Said Fred?
3. How come nobody ever puts fried calamari on pizza?
4. How come between the half hour that supposedly separated the end scene of Rocky 4 and the opening of Rocky 5, Balboa's son ages 10 years... actually I take that back. Why in the hell did Stallone make Rocky 5?
5. Is Sour Cream actually spoiled milk?
6. How the hell can any wine be "dry"? Wouldn't it have to be powdered?
7. Is there any poem or song that rhymes the words "ascot" and "mascot"? And if not, why not?

If you're that opposed to the big government solutions now being legislated, go to your congressman's town hall meeting. Wexler is your guy down in Florida -- he's having one on Aug 20.

The hard part: he's having it at his home. In Maryland.

I have no idea why Violent Femmes lyrics would remind you of Vegas debauchery. But I do remember your after-action reports. Also those of Vito whose later trip to the strip included an ill-advised run-in with Ron Jeremy.

Anyway, I think we need to revise the old saying "the future will be televised." I think it's more accurate now to conclude that the future will be rationed.