Although I proudly own a burned copy of the Violent Femmes Greatest hits album (courtesy of Dr. Sfingi), I cannot claim to recognize the lyrical reference. Instead, everytime I read them I am reminded of my very first trip to Las Vegas. I believe it was our second night there, our entire group of 21 (which included Broadway Joe, his bro Steve, Joe Fatone Sr., his wife Phyllis, BazzukaJoe and even Vito Jr.) took a trip to the Crazy Horse Gentlemens club to visit my Aunt Phyliss's cousin Vinny, who was general manager. Of course, as special guests of the boss and with a super wealthy celebrity in tow we were ushered through the backdoor into a room called "The Emperors Club". It is simply a dark back room of luxury couches with a one way mirror overlooking the club for big rollers willing to pay for privacy. Fine, we all find a seat and look through the glass at the stage and debauchery inside when a line of dancers flood into the room and each find a seat on a knee of a guy in our party. Spoken or unspoken, sitting on a man's knee is a PAY SERVICE. Luckily, I declined any offers made to me, but one particular member of our party was an NSYNC tour guitarist named Ruben, who anyone would agree is a genuinely loveable guy. Sitting on the couch with an exotic dancer perched upon him, he was engaged in an intense conversation...and what believed were very thoughtful and complimentary gyrations upon his knee. Minutes later, as their chat ended, she kindly requested her three hundred dollars plus tip. I can never erase the shocked look upon his face, as he rose from his seat and walked in shame to the ATM machine. As we left the club for our cab, he turned to me and Vito Caravella, and revealed to us how he was fooled : "You know, when a woman tells me I have a beautiful body...I believe her." Vito was in utter disbelief, but he still thoughtfully and sympathetically nodded to him. Later that day, Ruben also revealed his envy that our entire party (with the exception of bodyguards) were of Italian descent, and he was the sole Hispanic. He once again confided in Vito, BazzukaJoe and myself his wish for a more Italian-sounding name: "What do you think of calling me Rubino?" We unanimously agreed it was a terrific idea...and left out it was also the last name of the OB/GYN which delivered, me, BazzukaJoe and Merle. So anyway, I now have no clue how that Violent Femmes lyric managed to conjure up that memory.

Looking back, that Vegas trip was insane. Thanks to Broadway Joe, we managed to:
1. Sit in the front row and meet George Carlin.
2. Visit the Grand Opening of the Aladdin hotel, in which we walked out of an awful Enrique Iglesias concert.
3. Watch a dealer try to rip off Broadway Joe...oly to be called out on it by Steve Fatone. We received a complimentary dinner for 21 at the Brown Derby as an apology.
4. Watched Rita Rudner eat some cheese from a case which was methane gassed just minutes before by my cousin Steve.
5. We drank chivas regal and ate baked ziti as we traveled on a private jet.
6. Did I mention we had two penthouse suites?
7. Wow, I'm probably forgetting a ton, I'll have to ask Bazzuka where all that photo album is.

Anyway, now that I'm done daydreaming lets get down to business. I had a friend produce some pretty compelling evidence that Paul McCartney died in 1966 and an imposter has been living in his place for the last 43 years. He had comparative pictures and forensic evidence, whereas I would point to the songs "Comin Up" and "Silly Love Songs" , but most of all the decison to dye his 65 year old hair red as hope that hes an imposter.

Lets see, what else is goin on today? I heard CNN announce the US recession is over...thats great news. They also informed me that rising rates of unemployment and foreclosure combined with falling production and consumer spending is the strong irrefutable evidence the economy has rebounded...this is also great news. I am proud to be apart of a society that embraces such progressive ideas and outside the box thinking. I also have a similar theory that the best treatment for emphysema is smoking cigarettes...my proof is of course, the shrinking lung capacity.
CNN (surprisingly) reported that the Obamacare promotional team is taking to Craigslist to hire supporters for health care. Isn't the same site people were hiring hookers? Indeed Craig's become the place to meet pimps, crooks, and citizens looking to get screwed. I think I should apply for a job on their ad team. I can help them create some catchy slogans like:
"The price tag will make you sick...but we should be able to get you a doctor in a few months"
"Just eat some chicken soup...until your appointment in March."
"Your temperature is 101...thats a little high, your tax rate is 95%...thats a little low"

"

When the White House tells me "I hope you know this will go down on your permanent record," I can't help but reply, out loud "oh yeah? Well don't get so distressed; did I happen to mention that I'm impressed?"

Thank you, Violent Femmes for planting that in my brain some 25-or-so years ago. I hope they let us play some of those albums in the gulag (probably have NPR over loudspeakers 24/7 instead).

And here is the "after" shot. Notice that Cookie and Mojo can both lounge about as they romp through Nintendo DS landscapes and refuse to change their socks from yesterday.

Yes, it is finally summer around here: official temperature right now is 89. Got up early, opened the windows in my sunroom, and generally had some serious quality time as we had our breakfast and got geared up for the noon Mass.

It is such a great summer day that Alane has threatened to flee -- off to visit people who think 89 degrees requires closing oneself up in air conditioning. As for me, I don't mind getting my sweat on every once in a while -- for old time's sake, if nothing else. I suppose I should be more accommodating, being that Alane went out and busted her finger yesterday at volleyball practice. Someone ought to ask her about that.

Last night we sat outside with the neighbors and had a nice little campfire at the bottom of the next door driveway: roasted some marshmallows, ate some chocolate, polished off about half a bottle of port. Good clean living.

Steve, your opposition to these policies has been declared "reprehensible" by the ruling party. Better watch your ass, lest SEIU enforcers decide to "act stupidly" on you.

Here, by the way, is a "before" picture of what Aunt Marie has dubbed the new "Florida Room" here at Berea-Rose.

Mojo was lounging earlier this week, thinking life was sweet.

Oooooh, Sfingi...they are gonna get you for that. Is it just me, or has it gotten to the point where ordering the red snapper can get you accused of right wing extremism? Ironically, no one considers it extremism to usurp the banking, insurance, auto, and now the healthcare industries from private enterprise. Anyway, back to the cash for clunkers: I think it seems to fit the administration's business model: use public money to buy 100 dollar clunkers for 4500 each, then try to recoup the loss by throwing them away. Dont wanna risk anything less than a total loss. I think the new slogan should be "Save More at The Tank...Pay More to the IRS".

Anyway, I made some manicotti last weekend, and although I was quite pleased with my performance, I decided next time I will be departing from convention. As I mixed the ricotta and mozzarella for the filling, I thought about making my favorite calzones...they always have an extra element to the cheese. I like throwing in fried peppers or crushed meatballs or sausage or onions and ham. So how come no one ever stuffs manicotti this way? I not only believe it can be done, I believe it should be done. O' Sullivan believed in manifest destiny....well I believe in Manicott' Destiny.

So last nite Jennie is jonesing for a pizza. So we place our order: one half: sausage, onions and mushroom and the other half: onions, pineapple and jalapenos.
So clearly she has broken a holy commandment: though shalt not ever put fruit on pizza. What is the proper punishment for such a violation and how do we expunge such a deplorable habit?

By the way, Vin went to the mall yesterday. He disappeared and then reemerged with Shrek and Superman Returns on DVD. There is just no predicting that man.

Margaret Thatcher was ahead of her time when she predicted that "the problem with Cash for Clunkers is eventually it runs out of other people's money."

How true. And while I don't want to harsh on anyone's hate-fest, I really have to ask: if health insurers really have such outsized profits, why haven't competitors sprung up to snag a share of those windfalls? I mean, it's not like there are many other investment opportunities available today -- if running a health insurance company really spun off such fat returns, I'd expect start-up companies to be flooding the zone, taking a whack at the big guys, happily settling for half their exalted margins.

I asked the same question last year when everyone had their hate on about the oil companies. Much was made of the flush quarterly results they reported about this time last year. But was it enough to attract new investments and new entrants into the field? No. And that tells me the profits weren't quite what the critics made them out to be. Yeah, they are both heavily regulated (and heavily taxed) industries -- I suspect that has something to do with it. But targeting them because they made money? Nature already has a mechanism for addressing real, versus perceived, shortages. If you believed what you were saying you'd be a mensch and start a company that delivers better value at a better price. Put your money where your mouth is; stop feeding the pimp-eyed politicians.

Steve, even you are too well-dressed for us to consider your objections authentic. I'm reporting all the fishy things you have said. Do e-mails have size limitations?

Another wintry summer morning here in the Soviet Socialist Republic of Ohio. No matter how Steve baits me I will not be criticizing any pending legislative efforts, no matter how disastrous -- I know the Stasi has eyes. And hey, we're all in it together!

Just brought Da Chimpz to their day camp. Out the window I see my lawn is just about completely brown. Mid-summer norm, but I always thought it was the heat that does it. It'll pick up again next month -- just as the weather gets even cooler and we have even less desire to be outside. That's when the grass will be lush. Figures.

The weather stations haven't reported any atmospheric disturances on the coast of the Gulf of Mexico. But have they measured for psychic disturbances? Someone, please report...

So after months of continuous verbal and literary assault by Sfingi, I've decided today to make my triumphant return to The Macaroni Dish. I was watching the news today and heard it was our President's birthday, and then they show him hanging out with Kim Jong Il...now thats what I call a shitty surprise party. I was priviliged to observe the rapid fire efficiency and execution of government operations today as I waited an hour at the courthouse to discover that the counterperson could not reprint me a title because Chrysler Financial needed to mail them a letterhead saying its okay. It made me wonder if 2 trillion dollars burnt in a California brush fire and nobody heard it...would it make a sound? Not on MSNBC. So, Sfingi baits me today by sending me this picture to see how I interpret the artists message. Is it a political joke about raising taxes? Is it suggesting the President is a diabolical supercriminal? I'm not really sure, what I am sure of is whenever the Joker robbed innocent people, at least he admitted to it. So I was intrigued by Johns last entry that he left the window open and got a cool draft...if I leave a window open here, I'm pretty sure all my furniture would melt and Jennie and I would explode into flame. Lets see what else, don't know if there was any mention of a new BazzukaJoe-Mobile. He gotta nifty little Dodge Caliber in a bright metallic lava color...haha subtle as always. Lets see whats else has been goin on here...Ree turned 22 in style...with a lot of Singstar karaoke that included but was not limited to Ian and I singing Aha's Take On Me and Rio by Duran Duran. Ree's Facebook should have some pics. Well, anyway Ms. Tylka just walked in and I should put some grub on.

Okay, the new sofa should be arriving later this week. That means I better figure out how to get my wireless network to reach that back room -- otherwise I'm going to be offline for vast stretches of time. Which may not be so bad, if the couch is comfy. And the wine doesn't run out. Yeah, I could live without internets back there... ("supine with drink and splendidly comatose" as Faulkner once wrote).

And speaking of the back room, I left one of the windows open last night and when I went in there this morning I thought I'd stepped into October. Yeah, the sunshine was puring in, but it was friggin' cold -- this ain't no way to do August.